Communication, Understanding, and Acceptance

I thought I would start this page off with a few of what I think are the most important elements of a relationship. You will hear me mention these frequently (and if you've listened to the radio show, then you probably already have) because they relate to many of the problems commonly faced by people in relationships.

• Communication. Arguably the most important element of a relationship, communication seems very obvious, yet is frequently overlooked. It basically means, if you want your partner to know something, you have to tell them about it. If you are in a serious relationship, you cannot expect your partner to read your mind or even pick up on "signals." I'm not a fan of "signals" to begin with, but the more serious you get about a relationship, the more that they can become very dangerous. If something is bothering you about your relationship, it will not disappear if you just ignore it. You have to bring it up to your partner so that you can work it out together. Not only do "signals" leave room for misinterpretation, they welcome it, and "signals" regarding problems in a relationship will only worry your partner, or be seen as passive-aggressiveness.

• Understanding. Not only is it important that you bring up any problems that you might have with a relationship, it is also important that you be understanding and sympathetic to your partner's problems. Communication is important, but it also has to go both ways. If your partner has the guts to come to you and tell you something is wrong, even if it is something you don't like, the worst thing you can do is get mad at them. This will only discourage them from telling you the next time they have a problem. If what they tell you upsets you, you should let them know that, but if you plan on staying in the relationship, you must also be willing to face the problem together. I know that it is often difficult to keep your cool when someone tells you something upsetting, and you cannot expect someone to never get mad, but it is important that you at least make an effort to avoid such negative reactions. Try to see your partner's point of view when you disagree on something. You don't have to agree with them, but you should at least be willing to listen to what they have to say.

• Acceptance. Before you can tell your partner about your problems, you first have to be willing to acknowledge the existence of said problems. Every relationship has its problems and you can't expect everything to run perfectly all of the time. Perfection is something to strive for, but not to be expected. Accept your own flaws as well as your partner's. If you make a mistake, admit it, and if your partner admits something to you, accept that they are only human. Be honest with both your partner and yourself.

Like I stated earlier, everything I say on this page is a suggestion and doesn't necessarily apply to every situation. Obviously, you can't forgive everyone you go out with for every mistake, the point is that most people you go out with won't be committing many unforgivable acts, and if they are, then it is probably time to re-evaluate either your dates or your ideas of what constitutes an unforgivable act. Thank you for reading, and please comment and let me know your feelings on this subject or any.