"Being Yourself"

Hello readers. Today I thought I would discuss two different schools of thought when it comes to dating, and how I think best to balance them.

"Be Yourself" is a rather clichéd message which many of us have been hearing for most of our lives from parents, educators, the media, etc, etc. In our hearts I think most of us do get the sense that there is something at our core that we ought to be properly representing in real life. But many of us are also getting much different messages (frequently from the same sources) when it comes to dating, ones telling us how we ought to act, speak, dress, and even think. As much as our friends, family, media, and hearts tell us how important it is to be true to ourselves, in practice we often dismiss this advice.

Why do we do this? Well, one could say we throw away this advice because we do not find it practical. "Sure, I would love to be true to myself, but this is not a helpful or reasonable method of getting someone to date me." This reasoning in itself demonstrates a lack of confidence in one's own "natural attractiveness", as it implies that one must act contrary to one's own nature in order to score a mate. That said, it is also important to take into account the feelings of others, particularly if one hopes to pursue some kind of romantic interest. Which brings us to the question of...

What do I do? Ahhhh, here is the part where I actually have to give some advice. Ok, here goes...

Doing/saying what you feel like vs. "fitting in" - All of us, in all likelihood, have at one time or another stifled a thought, opinion, or idea in order to avoid being the recipient of funny looks (or worse). This is not usually problematic. However when one is seeking out potential relationships it is important that the way you act accurately represents the way you are in order to avoid unpleasant surprises if/when the relationship should progress. This isn't to say that you can't leave anything to the imagination upon first meeting a man/woman. People (shockingly) do not expect to learn everything there is to know about a person on first meeting. However, the important thing here is not to misrepresent yourself. It is ok to not loudly argue with someone who disagrees with you, and that doesn't make you without integrity. A violation of this would be if you were to outright state a belief which in your heart you disagreed with, just because everyone else (or maybe just one very attractive person) felt that way. If you have to put in effort to convince people that you are someone or some way that you know you are not, then it isn't worth it. That sort of pretending only leads to trouble down the line when you get sick of always putting on a show, and they realize that the person they fell for doesn't actually exist.

It's not all about you - While it is a bad idea to pretend to be someone you are not, there is a big difference between faking it and simply being open to new things. "Being yourself" doesn't mean being set in your ways, and it important that you show some interest in what the other person likes. You don't have to fake it and pretend like it is your favorite thing in the world, but if you demonstrate that you are willing to try new and different things the person you are with will likely appreciate it.

The Bottom Line - The important thing to remember here is not to misrepresent yourself. Don't pretend to be something you are not, but you don't have to immediately reveal things that may be embarrassing. Also, if you are willing to try something that the other person likes, don't be afraid to say that instead of faking like that was your favorite thing the whole time. They will appreciate you trying new things for them, and if you try to fake it they will figure out sooner or later and be disappointed.

I hope this advice was helpful, and don't be afraid to leave comments (communication is important and all that).